ANYONE FOR A LITTLE ROLLER DERBY?

Looking for something different and fun? Check out Roller Derby. Seriously.

How can it not be interesting with team names like The Bomber Babes, Death Dealers, Sisters of No Mercy and the Leave It to Cleavers? How about player names like Phatal Pheromone, Delicate Flower, Dirty Pirate Hooker, Smack and DeckHer, Princess of Wails, Sally Terry Confinement, M.C. RamHer and NOS? My favorite Derby name belongs to my daughter, Deni. #599 Grandslam Brakefast. Get it? Clever, huh? (Not Cleaver... Bomber Babe!). They just call her Slam. Her husband, Nick, is known as Mr. Slam. I guess that makes me Slam Daddy.

GRANDSLAM BRAKEFAST #599 (a.k.a. Deni Draper Page)

Oh Yeah? Left to right: Scarlicious, Delicate Flower,Contessa Danger, Trixen Kixer and Slam. Skaters in red are Cleavers. (Photos: Liquor 'n Shooter)

A game of Roller Derby is called a bout.

To say the first time at a bout was shocking would be an understatement. I mean I thought it was clever when the Monsignor came out to bless the Sisters of No Mercy before the start of the bout. Then I saw that he was accompanied by an altar boy on a leash… Wow. What can you say about that? Oh, and the National Anthem? The Jimmy Hendrix electric guitar version of the Star Spangled Banner from Woodstock.

Anyway, once the bout got underway it was really exciting. In the olden days banked track Roller Derby was all about theatrics much like the WWF with exaggerated punches, throwing girls over the railing, and massive pile-ups on the track. Today’s Flat Track Derby is still just as serious but it is totally real! Skaters wear old school quad skates, mouth and wrist guards and pads on the knees and elbows for safety. But even all that gear doesn’t always protect the skaters from injury. Deni skated for six weeks with what turned out to be a broken leg rather than just a sprain.

There are also rules! All hits must be made with body parts above mid-thigh, excluding forearms, hands and head. No throwing elbows and elbows cannot be swung or linked to create a barricade. Also, no cutting the track, no tripping, no back blocking, and no fighting. Any of these violations can result in a visit to the penalty box; one minute for one major violation or a combination of four minor violations. Those calls are at the discretion of the officials—guys like Stu Pidasso, Dwight Chocolate, Wyatt Girth, Doc Homicide and Busty O’Azz. Yeah.

Slam (as a Shaker) taking out the Jammer from the FOCO Girls Gone Derby from Fort Collins. (Photo: Liquor 'n Shooter)

How does Derby work?

A bout consists of two thirty minute periods. Those periods are broken down into two minute increments called a ‘Jam’. There is a 30 second break between each jam when each team must field a new group of skaters. At the start of the jam there are ten skaters on the track, five from each team. Six ‘Blockers’ do just what their name implies—Block. Two ‘Pivots’ are identified by a stripe on their helmet and they are like the quarterback and direct the other skaters on the track. The two skaters with stars on their helmets are known as the 'Jammers'.

Slam as a Jam(mer) during a scrimmage (practice bout). (Photo: Liquor 'n Shooter)

The Jammers are the skaters that score the points. The first Jammer to get through the pack of skaters without a penalty (remember the rules?) becomes the Lead Jammer. She is in control of the jam and can end play by repeatedly tapping her hands on her hips. This signals the official of her intent to end the jam and it prevents the opposing team from scoring any additional points. This confused me at first, but the Lead Jammer has already scored four points (one point for each opposing skater she passes) when she has broken through the pack. If the other Jammer is a tough skater the Lead can call off the jam before the other team can score. However, if one of the Jammers gets sent to the penalty box or is otherwise detained, the other jammer can keep lapping the track racking up points until the jam ends. NOS, who is one of the Jammers for the Bomber Babes, once scored 23 points in a single jam. Her record is 90 points in a bout. It is the job of the Blockers to allow their jammer through but to stop the opposing jammer from passing. One trick I love that the jammers use to pass is to grab the jersey of one of their blockers and catapult themselves through the pack. Awesome (oops… that word again) move!

Me and Suzie track side... In our camo glasses as an homage to the Bomber Babes.

We like to sit track side on turn one just past the pivot line. It is close to the action but still somewhat safe. If you want to risk your life, or at least risk having a derby girl or two land in your lap, sit track side in turn two or four. The momentum of the pack usually sends them out of bounds and into the crowd in those turns. Stadium seats are great for back support and a blanket keeps you off the floor.

Oh, and if you are hungry, the food at the Derby is great! They have a Nacho wagon that serves great Mexican fare and the French Fries at the snack bar rival the fries at the Foundry Grill in Dallas.

The All-Star team for the Salt City Derby Girls is the Salt City Shakers made up of skaters from all four SCDG teams. Slam talks strategy with Smack and DeckHer. (Photo: Liquor 'n Shooter)

The next bout is a double header at the Salt Palace on July 10^th. First bout will be the Salt City Shakers (Deni will be playing) vs. the Arizona Roller Dolls from Phoenix followed by the Leave It to Cleavers vs. The Death Dealers. This is also the preview game for the Championship!

You can check out bouts at Comcast on Demand, Utah Extreme Sports.

Thanks again to Liquor 'n Shooter for the use of his great photos! Check out more of his work at the following links:

http://www.facebook.com/liquornshOOter or http://www.flikr.com/liquornshooter

Visit the Salt City Derby Girls at www.slcderby.com and the Women's Flat Track Derby Association at www.wftda.com